I thought of you today

I thought of you today.

I heard your voice.

Something I haven’t heard in so long.

It happened in an instant.

Memories.

Good times.

Fun.

Years where we had each others’ backs.

Promises.

The good times fade away.

The pain all comes rushing back.

The promises broken. All of them.

The ties severed.

The jagged edge still there.

Sometimes it cuts deeper than others.

The pain almost feels like it can consume me.

Then it hits me.

I’m better off without you.

You have no place in my life anymore.

No place in my heart.

And then someone reminds me…

It will be okay.

All for the simple fact of I have them in my life now and not you.

Some times it’s the little things…

8 years. A private message on a message board. No one ever thinks something so small can change everything but it can. I can’t count how many times I have heard someone say “Oh it’s one of those internet people.” or One of the fake friends?The fact remains that a good majority of the friends I’ve made on the internet have been better friends than the ones I’ve had in “Real Life” or that I’ve known all my life. I went to Indiana last week to spend time with one of those “internet friends”. One of the best friends I’ve had in a LONG time. Sadie and I been through more together than I can even go through in one post.

A year and a half ago they came here. I got to hug and snuggle the kids I had already grown to love as my own nieces and nephew. Well okay there wasn’t much snuggling with Brandon but he’s a teenager. I got to snuggle Angel and Riley on my lap while they were here. When they left to go home I cried. I hated to see them leave. And I wished even more that there wasn’t so much distance between us. That there was some sort of teleportation system that worked. (Come on Trekkies get to work on this k?) This time it was even harder.

Six days I was gone. Four there and one day of travel on either side. Getting out of the car and getting hugs from them all was the best feeling ever. Doing regular things like going to the farmers market and hanging out with the neighbors all felt completely normal. Laughing while the kids ran around the yard or the boys going out at night to sleep in the tent all felt natural. It was like we had always been there. If you asked Angel how many brothers she had, her answer was three and my boys were fine with that. It felt like I was home. I felt like I belonged.

Archie gave up his wife for the five nights I was there. The two of us slept on a blow up mattress in the living room. We stayed up late, talked, literally giggled for what had to be an hour. Once we would calm down one of us would start right back up again. We watched a Season and a half of Deadwood at night, which has now been deemed “Cocksucker TV” Since I think every fifth word spoken is just that. Hell one character that’s almost all he can say in English.

I’m home now and it’s been harder this time. I miss the kids like crazy. I miss sitting with Sadie on the couch at night and looking across to see Archie reading a book on the Nook. I even teared up when I took the boys to Kohls this weekend. What’s the connection? Jack’s shoe literally fell apart while we were there. The bottom fell right off (Yeah I guess the Oldest has a name now here. Need one for the little one now. Blame Sadie she used it first on her blog.) He asked Aunt Sadie for Duct tape fixed it up and went right on playing. We needed to replace them and I was reminded of that.

The boys have already asked when we are going back. Soon I hope I hate having to wait until next Summer but we will get back there soon.

Weekly Winners

Haven’t done this in awhile but I actually got to use a REAL camera and not just my phone while Sadie was getting her tattoo yesterday.

Butterbeer, dragonflies and tattoos

After a twelve hour drive the boys and I have been spending time with Sadie and family. It has been wonderful. Been spending a lot of time wishing that transporter technology was already in place so we could do this more often. The kids are getting along amazingly well and for the older boys it’s like they’ve always been together.

The first night here all the kids raved about the Butterbeer cupcakes. I agree that they were REALLY good. The boys have all been camping out in a tent in the back yard and loving it. They’ve been running around the neighborhood carefree and playing with the neighborhood kids. There have been games of chess and war. All the kids playing on the Wii when it was too hot outside, and even a game of mousetrap. The neighbors welcomes us like we have been here all our life too. The adults sat out talking last night in the front yard while the kids played and then when the kids went to bed we sat in the driveway on chairs talking. It was nice and relaxing.

Today was a big day today. After a trip to the farmers market this morning Sadie, one of the neighbors and I went into downtown Indy for Sadie to get her tattoo. We went to lunch first and saw a dragonfly right outside the restaurant. He just sat there and let me take the picture and didn’t budge at all. Not sure if he was just hanging out or tired but he or she was beautiful (How do you tell if it’s a he or she anyway?). Lunch was really good. The place was in an old Church that was supposedly haunted but no ghosts with our sandwiches. Afterwards we went to the tattoo place and got all ready to hold Sadie’s hand if need be.

Sadie did great, didn’t even need to squeeze our hands. We even got to watch another guy getting a HUGE tree of life on the left side of his ribcage. We were texting Archie, Sadie’s husband to let him know how it was going and Sadie said it felt like a tiny massage. Archie came back and asked if it was a massage by midgets. The guy next to us had another opinion, when they worked right over his ribs he said it felt like a massage with fish hooks. Yeah…ouch. Somehow I don’t think I’ll ever get a tattoo there.

All in all it’s been a really good visit. We are still here for a few more days, Sadie’s birthday is Monday. We are all going to be sad when it’s time to go. The nerds really need to work on that transporter technology.

Review – Here, Home, Hope

Here. Home. Hope. is a book by Kaira Rouda. I was sent a free electronic copy of this book from the One 2 One Network to review. I started reading it almost immediately. I couldn’t stop. I think I finished it in a day and a half. The book is about Kelly who is going through what could be called a mid-life crisis. Being 36 I find this fast approaching for myself. She gave up her career to raise the kids and now he’s trying to figure out what to do with her life now that the kids are older. She starts making these T2C (things to change) post it notes and sticking them all over the house. Things like remember my blessings, take it one day at a time, and trust your instinct. By the end of the book she’s made a list of twenty-two things to change, and there’s even a copy of the complete list at the end of the book.

Reading the book was like curling up with your best friend. Well without the Desperate Housewives husband stealing and that kind of drama. It was something I looked forward to reading and definitely something I’ll be reading again some time.

When are we going to wake up?

The conservatives and the liberals all claim free speech when its something they like from their side and then demonize the other side when its something they don’t. The psychotic response to this one line that made the audience laugh hard just amplifies the point that America has lost its way and we are more concerned with Charlie Sheen, Lindsay Lohan and the clown show (which I am part of) than coming together and calling the truth when it is evident. We are in two wars, thousands have died, the economy is horrible, there are no jobs.

I was sitting here and saw a tweet come across from Christopher Titus linking to a note post on Facebook. I should preface this by saying if you are easily offended then please turn away now. Everybody good? Anyway this tweet came across and I clicked over and read it. First thing I did was nod. I quoted a portion of it but click here if you want to read the rest. He’s right. As a nation we are clueless. People get so wrapped up in whatever the next scandal or off color comment is when there are real issues going on out there. Yes I understand we all need distractions. Hell I need them and have them too. The point is as a nation we spent more time worrying about things like Charlie Sheen and his tiger blood and Wienergate then what’s going on in the world. Seriously? The biggest news yesterday was a guy taking a picture of his junk and “sending it to the wrong place” Yeah I call bullshit on that. He just wanted attention. Why does anyone’s naked pictures “accidentally” get released on the internet. They need a boost in their career? They want some girl/guy to like them more. Hell I don’t know. Any way you look at it you are insane to do it. Other then that the big news anyone in my house had to share yesterday other then school stuff was that Fox news mistook Tina Fey for Sarah Palin, which frankly Tina Fey does it better anyway, but hey bravo Fox News for screwing that one up.

The point is yes I know we all get caught up in it. It’s hard not to some times but look at the world around us. We are AT WAR people!! Soldiers are over there fighting for our right to free speech, our right to say, “Hey that’s not right” or “Hey I like that.” I’m sure we all know someone who is serving, or has served in this war. I know a few who do it gladly. Why is that not what we are focused on? Why are we not focused on the economy being completely screwed? Or the lack of jobs? When are we going to do something about it? I get we all need distractions and it’s easy to get caught up in it. But something’s got to give. When are we going to wake up?

Every Cloud has a Silver Lining…even the scary ones.

About a week ago I blogged about an issue that was going on with the Top 25 Faith Blogs at Circle of Mom’s. Needless to say it went back and forth and got even uglier of the course of a few days then i could have ever imagined. And yet through it all there was a silver lining. Believe it or not, yes there was a silver lining in all of that. A community pulled together. I met more people in the last week then I ever expected to. Bloggers of all faiths stepped up and not only offered their support but their friendship. They let everyone know that they aren’t alone in this. That out of the Broom Closet or not there was someone there that had your back in this. Even if it was something simple as a prayer to the Gods and Goddesses. There were quick reminders to “ground and center” before doing anything rash or saying something you might regret.

The Pagan community pulled together across the globe. They offered love and support and caring. It gave me so many more blogs to read and love. So many more sisters to get to know and network with. For that I am grateful.

Another case of the Misinformed

I know I’ve been scarce it’s been that whole life thing getting in the way. But I was sitting here and saw a tweet from Angela

This lady is not happy about some pagans being in the running for the Top 25. All I am going to say that it’s a… http://fb.me/FWQRv1ve

So I went and checked it out. Wow. That’s all I could say at first. The amount of hate coming from the blog was astounding. And this is supposed to be a Christian Blog. Time-Warp Wife with the tagline “Empowering women to joyfully serve” has struck a chord that quite frankly makes me sick to my stomach. The first part that got to me was this:

Mixed in with the “faith” blogs are pagan blogs. In fact one of those bloggers, a self-professing witch wrote, “Looking at the nominations there were a couple of pagan blogs which thrilled me to no end. How cool would it be for one of the pagan bloggers to win the top spot?”

How sad is that? What’s even more disturbing is that one of these bloggers describes herself as, “Parenting a witchlet, being a priestess in the greater pagan community, navigating the world as a religious minority, and educating myself and others (including my own son) about this path.” Beside that blurb, we see the photo of a woman holding her newborn child.

Were the bloggers in question doing anything wrong? No they blog about their faith. The list in question is from the Circle of Mom’s website. It’s for the Top 25 Faith Blogs Seems like a good fit to me. Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Mormon, Pagan, Hindu All different faiths but no mention is made of any other religion except Pagan. We are the evil ones. We are the ones that need to be banished. Um, why exactly?

I went on to read more and she says this:

I love my children with all my heart, but there are times that I am strongly against the things that they do. Should they steal, cheat, or lie, I won’t love them any less, but I will not tolerate that kind of behavior.

Hey guess what? Pagans don’t tolerate that stuff either! Are there a few bad apples in the bunch every now and then? Sure. It’s called free will. Look at the issue with Catholic Priests and alter boys. Should we condemn the entire religion because of some poor choices? No there are still good Catholics out there and even still good priests out there.

I think this “attack” and yes I am calling it an attack because of the way it’s been presented and continues to be presented in facebook threads like this. We are being called “evil creatures”, they are praying for our souls, for our children’s souls, they are fearful that we are on the PTAs at our local schools. It is being said that our mere existence is an attack on their Christian faith. It’s turning into hate mongering and frankly it’s disgusting.

Are we supposed to return the favor? Are we supposed to rant and rave and threaten their children’s souls? Get out the torches and pitchforks and form a little mob and fight back? No. The pagans that have responded have done so with dignity and pride. They’ve thanked them for their comments, offered to keep them in their thoughts and prayers as well, and spoken about how they promote tolerance within their own families and children.

I really believe it’s a case of fear and misinformation. Something people don’t understand therefore it needs to be attacked and gotten rid of. Perhaps with education it can bridge the gap, but it’s hard to do that when the other side set the bridge on fire.

Review – Home-Ec 101

When I first received the email from One2One I wanted to review it. It’s all about tackling challenges at home and who doesn’t want to do that right? Okay so I don’t want to clean more but anything to get more organized and get things flowing smoother at home is always needed. Because of the overwhelming response we weren’t sent the entire book but one chapter. The Chapter I received was Chapter 20: Meal Planning: Not just for the control Freaks. Perfect one for me to get because I suck at meal plans.

The Chapter went through the basics of setting a meal plan out and tips on how to get yourself into the habit of doing it. Heck we all do it. We stand there when we are supposed to be making dinner and staring into the pantry trying to figure out what to make. I do it all the time. I am getting better about it though. Needless to say it helped. Granted it means that we are sticking to a schedule as best we can but we’re working on it. Mondays is a fish night. Wednesday is a pasta night. And Sundays, the kids favorite is a breakfast for dinner night.

I thoroughly enjoyed the chapter I was sent and I’m going to go buy the book so I can look through some of the other chapters too. Only thing I have to decide is if I want it for my eReader or a hard copy. Either way I can’t wait to read the rest of the book.

Remembering Maddie

A beautiful little girl that was taken from this world too soon. She is the inspiration behind Friends of Maddie Rest well Little Angel. You are loved and missed.

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